


One Gold Ring

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Element of non-con aggressive sex, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:46:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: A tale of two Christmases, a lot of angst, and one baby in between. Definitely not fluff.Chakotay behaves like an idiot and treats Kathryn rather brutally. Can he redeem himself?Warning: aggressive sex described briefly in Chapter 2Setting: Season 3/post Endgame





	1. Chapter 1

"Do I finally get my Christmas present?" asked Kathryn eagerly, as they entered Chakotay's quarters. They had had a wonderful evening in the messhall celebrating with the rest of the crew, but Chakotay had held his present for Kathryn back. He wanted to give it to her in private. 

"It's hanging on the tree," he answered, smiling at her childish enthusiasm. 

Kathryn scooted across the room to the tree, which together they had spent several happy hours decorating the day before. She began searching earnestly amongst the twinkling stars and the ornaments. 

Chakotay watched her with a mixture of amusement and apprehension. He wasn't sure how she would react when she found it. 

"Where is it, Chakotay?" she asked in frustration. 

He could stand it no longer. "It's the little blue box…down there on the left." 

She leaned sideways and retrieved what could have been just another ornament. "Is this it?" she asked, holding the shiny blue object with tiny ribbons towards him. 

"Yes," he laughed. 

She knelt on the floor, sitting back on her heels as she began to unwrap it. Chakotay lowered himself to the same level, his face inches from hers, and watched her face anxiously. 

The paper fell away to reveal a matching blue box. Kathryn flipped open the lid and her face froze. 

"Chakotay? Is it…?" 

He swallowed. "An engagement ring. Yes!" 

She looked up at him incredulously. Words had deserted her. 

"Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?" 

Her eyes flickered, and he read the uncertainty there. His gut clenched as he began to realise he might not get the answer he was hoping for. 

"You know we can't…not out here." 

"Why not? It's just a statement of intent. A promise to stay together. We love each other, Kathryn. This is just the next step for us…" 

"I thought you were happy with the way things are!" 

"I've been blissfully happy. The happiest I've ever been. This has been the most wonderful year of my life!" His mind flickered back over the last twelve months. They had been lovers since New Earth. They had come together after several weeks of sexually loaded sparring, and, when it had finally happened, it had been the most exhilarating experience of his life. They had spent another two weeks of joyfully stimulating exploration, before Voyager returned for them. 

Back on the ship, he'd had his work cut out to persuade her to continue the relationship, and she'd only agreed on the grounds that they kept it low key and out of sight of the crew. And they had succeeded. Despite all the secrecy, it had still been an amazing and fulfilling relationship. 

"For me too! Why change things?" 

"Because I want so much more. I want us to be together in every sense. I want us to share the same quarters. I want to sleep beside you at night, and wake up beside you in the morning. I don't want to hide this from the crew anymore. And most of all, I want the universe to know I love you…that I want you to be my wife. I want us to be a family," he told her, putting all his dreams into his words. 

"Family?" she gasped in the shock of realisation. "You mean…children?" 

"Yes." 

"It's what you want?" 

"More than anything…" 

"Oh, Chakotay!" she cried, screwing her eyes up despondently. "I hadn't realised. This means so much to you!" 

"Yes," he responded honestly, trying to hide the panic he was feeling. 

"I can't give those things to you. Not out here. I can't possibly be the wife you want me to be, and I certainly couldn't contemplate having a child out here, whilst I hold responsibility for so many lives. This is far too dangerous a place to bring up a child." 

He stood and began to pace the room. 

"Tell that to Sam Wildman. You think it's good for Naomi to be the only child on the ship?" 

"Naomi wasn't planned. Her situation was entirely unique, and Sam isn't the Captain of this ship!" 

"And what if others come and ask your permission to start a family? Would you refuse them?" 

"I would certainly advise them against it, but I wouldn't dream of stopping them." 

"But you won't take the risk yourself?" 

"Never." 

"Okay. That has to wait. I accept that. But it doesn't mean we can't live together as man and wife. Or even as a betrothed couple." 

"I still won't do it! I'm the Captain. It would be inappropriate for me to be overtly in a relationship with you. Protocol dictates…" 

"Damn protocol. I know what it dictates. It was never meant for crew stranded years from earth. We may never reach home in our lifetime…." 

"Don't say that. I, more than anyone else on this crew, have to stay focused…remain optimistic. There is no point in us continuing this hare-brained journey otherwise." 

"And in the meantime, we all have to stop living? Give up everything? Sacrifice our happiness at the altar of this crusade?" 

"No, I'm not asking it of the crew, not even of you. Only of myself, because that's the way it's got to be. That is my responsibility to bear." Kathryn stood too, and began to edge her way towards the door, anxious to end this difficult conversation. 

"Targshit. You don't have to deny yourself any more than the next person. What has this past year been about? Haven't you been allowing yourself the freedom to love these last twelve months?" 

"Yes, but I had my reservations when I allowed this to continue, you know I did. We defined the parameters way back…" 

"And those parameters are immutable, are they?" 

"Well…no. But nothing has happened to cause me to consider changing them." 

"I just proposed to you, for spirit's sake!" 

"You shouldn't have done. This makes things very difficult." 

"Why?" 

"I have to refuse you for a start. I love you very much, and nothing would give me more pleasure than to marry you, but I am not in a position to accept, Chakotay. Technically, I am engaged to another man, or had you forgotten?" 

"What? You bring Mark into this? A man tens of thousands of light years away, who probably thinks you are dead? Someone you're highly unlikely to see again, and is probably with somebody else by now?" 

"I don't happen to agree with that." 

"Well, in any case, I should imagine our behaviour over the last year has rendered your engagement null and void…or do you think Mark is the kind of man who would overlook the fact that you've been fucking the brains out of your First Officer for months?" 

"Chakotay, you don't have to be vulgar!" 

"I'll be vulgar if I want to, dammit!" He paced the floor in silence for a few moments. Her obstinacy was hard to bear. "Am I just a temporary diversion to you then? Are you planning to go back to him the moment we get home?" 

"No! Nothing could be farther from the truth! I love you, Chakotay, so much more than I ever once loved him. To tell the truth, I hope he has moved on." 

"Then show me! Marry me!" 

"I can't. I can't give you what you want. Not now. Not here. I'm sorry!" 

Shakily, she pushed the tiny box back into his hand. 

"Kathryn…please…" 

"There's nothing more to be said," she said, shaking her head tearfully. 

Then she fled. There followed a sleepless night for both of them. 

* * *

  
  
The following day, after strained communications on the Bridge, she came to his quarters again and ended their relationship altogether.

She told him she loved him too much to hold him back. She wanted to give him the chance of finding happiness with someone else. 

Out here in the Delta Quadrant she couldn't be the wife he desired, nor give him the children he wanted, and she considered that the only way to be fair to him was to end it. No amount of pleading, no clever arguments, no angry hurtful recriminations could deflect her. Two hours of bitter argument left Chakotay a broken man. True, he wanted a family. But there was only one woman he wanted it with. If he couldn't have children with Kathryn, he didn't think he wanted any. He knew he wouldn't be able to find what he longed for with any other woman. 

The years rolled by and their professional relationship went through a very shaky patch, before establishing some sort of equilibrium. They eventually managed to forge an uneasy friendship too, but it was far from the carefree, joyful relationship of the first three years of their exile. By the time they made it home, after a seven year struggle with just about everything the universe could throw at them, he was dating Seven. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: aggressive sex described briefly in this Chapter**

It was late afternoon, and the light was fading when he climbed the steps and found her leaning on the ballustrade outside his quarters. He was on his way back from his latest interview, alone for once, and he was rather surprised to see her. They really hadn't seen that much of each other during the debriefings of the past few weeks. 

He smiled gently at his former lover. He thought she looked very strained. The debriefings were taking their toll on everyone, but more so for her. 

"What brings you here?" he asked. 

"I wanted a chat with my old friend. Can you spare a few minutes?" she responded uncertainly. 

"Always," he smiled back. "I'll make you some coffee…the real thing, of course!" 

"Now that is an offer I can't refuse," she grinned. 

"Come inside then." 

They went in and spent some time exchanging comments about the progress of the debriefings and the exoneration of the Maquis, while he busied himself with the coffee-making. 

Finally, they sat down opposite each other, mugs in hand. They exchanged another smile, and then an awkward silence fell. She looked uncomfortable, he thought. 

"Was there something in particular you wanted to talk to me about?" 

Kathryn cleared her throat. "Well…actually…I wanted you to tell me how things are going with Seven. Do you think you can make it work? My only wish for you, Chakotay, is that you are happy." 

Chakotay knotted his eyebrows in puzzlement. He wondered where this was leading. "Well, yes. It's early days, but I think we could be happy." 

"Good. Then I'll say no more and wish you the best." 

Chakotay was really curious now. "Wait a minute! What do you mean? Are you about to tell me there's something wrong with my dating Seven?" 

"No, no!" she protested quickly. 

"Oh…I get it! You're jealous! Well, Kathryn, you had your chance, and you threw it back in my face!" 

"So what if I am? It's just the burden I have to bear for putting duty before my own personal happiness. I did what I did for you, Chakotay, so that you could have the chance of a family with someone prepared to give to you. Now, I guess you've found that person, so all that's left for me to do is to wish you all the happiness in the world." 

"Don't give me the _doing it for you_ line, Kathryn! You had no right to make that decision on my behalf. Did you never realise that you were the only person I wanted that family with?" 

"But I couldn't give it to you…" 

"So? That might have had to wait. But we could have at least acknowledged our relationship…" 

"And what if we waited, and the moment had never come? You'd have missed your chance to become a father, and I couldn't do that to you. I'm sorry. I did what I thought was right at the time. After the fiasco with Seska, I knew how much it meant to you. I'd always hoped…" 

"Hoped what?" 

"That maybe we'd get home before it was too late. Before you'd fallen in love with someone else." 

"What exactly are you saying?" 

Kathryn fidgeted in her seat. She felt awkward exposing her feelings to him. "This is the moment when I had been planning to offer you everything…everything you wanted back then." 

Chakotay's heart raced. He really couldn't believe this. He could hardly contain his excitement. This was too delicious for words. What a gift! 

He tried to keep his voice level. "And are you?" 

"Huh?" 

"Offering it?" 

She watched him uncertainly for some time, and decided he clearly was interested. Finally, she answered shyly, "Maybe it's too late…but, yes, I guess I am." 

"Oh, Kathryn!" he said, delighted. 

"Do you want it?" 

"What do you think?" he said with a grin, coming round to sit next to her, and resting one hand tentatively on her knee. 

Kathryn beamed back at him, with tears of relief pooling in her eyes. "I still love you, Chakotay! I never stopped!" 

"Then show me!" he commanded. 

Kathryn leaned forward wrapping her arms round him, and captured his lips decisively. Chakotay buzzed with excitement at the opportunity being handed him, and plunged swiftly in for the kill. 

His hands were quickly under her uniform and dislodging her bra greedily. He plundered her mouth, hungry and insatiable. 

Kathryn responded eagerly, and their clothes were soon strewn along the route to the bedroom. 

With a shout of exultation, he tossed her naked body onto the bed. For a moment, he studied her intently, licking his lips with anticipation, and then launched his long body to cover hers. His feverish kisses ranged her body, savouring every point of contact. Kathryn groaned in response, whispering words of encouragement. His touch was frantic and demanding. He was being driven by a desperate need to conquer this woman anew, to master her fully, to feel in control again. He had four years of longing and deprivation to assuage. He had allowed an agonising boil to grow in his heart, and he was lancing it. At last, an end to all this pain, he thought. 

Afterwards, he would try to convince himself that something had snapped there and then, that he had taken her to his bed fully intending to show her the love he had stored up for her. But the truth was that some madness, borne of years of harboured resentment, had begun to take hold of him from the moment in the lounge when he realised what she was offering. 

He lunged into her, aggressive and demanding. Even so, he felt her arousal build to a point when he knew she was about to blow, and, at that moment, he pulled out. He loomed over her, letting her arousal die away, so that it fluttered beyond her reach, elusive and unattainable. He wasn't going to give her any satisfaction in this conquest. 

He caught a puzzled look cross her face, as her chest heaved with the exertion, and he felt a wash of triumph. Grinning to himself, he flipped her over onto her hands and knees. With a satisfied grunt, he entered her roughly from behind. With one hand he kneaded a breast, twisting a nipple viciously. 

He heard her whimper, and he knew he was hurting her. Hell, he wanted to hurt her. But he was close. A few hard lunges brought him to the brink, and he emptied himself inside her in three gratifying strokes. 

"That's for Kashyk...that's for Sullivan…and that's for Jaffen!" he pronounced triumphantly with each lunge. Then he pulled quickly out of her, before she got anywhere near her own climax again. 

Kathryn twisted onto her sodden stinging rear with a look of horror on her face. She stared at Chakotay, bewildered and unable to comprehend where this aggressive man had come from. 

But worse was to come. Chakotay, his eyes cold now, sprang from the bed and collected her clothes before throwing them in a bundle at her. 

"Get those on and get out! You have no place being here after what you did to me!" he spat. 

For a few more seconds, Kathryn watched him stupidly. Then she gathered all her dignity and began dressing. Her eyes pricked, but she forbade the tears to come. 

"Why?" came her plaintive cry. 

"Because I want you to know what it feels like! I want you to know how much it hurts when someone you love beyond reason rejects you! I want you to feel the pain I have had to endure over these last years, sitting day after day next to you and wanting so badly to touch you. Knowing you would never let things go back to how they were. This is exactly what you deserve!" Four years of bitterness were pouring out of Chakotay. 

"And you think I wasn't hurting?" 

"I think you are a heartless bitch. Hah! This was just precious…you coming to me and offering yourself to me after all this time! What made you think I'd want you…now?" His voice was angry, full of venom. "Why would I choose you? You have the body of a dried up old prune, and you know what's waiting for me out there? I'll tell you! A young beautiful woman, who thinks the world of me! You are a fool, Kathryn Janeway." 

"Yes, I am," she said calmly, refusing to rise to the bait of his anger. "I've totally misjudged you. I don't even recognise this man in front of me. But I'll tell you something. You'll regret this. In the cold light of day, you will regret this!" 

"Never." 

"She's not right for you, you know." 

"That's jealousy talking." 

Kathryn met his gaze defiantly, her eyes dark and frank. "Is it? Time will tell." 

"You know it is." 

"Believe whatever suits you. It is no consequence to me now." 

His tirade rang on as she finished dressing, refusing to be hurried, and calmly tidied her hair in the bathroom. She smoothed down her uniform, and regarded herself solemnly in the mirror. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, but otherwise she appeared as smart and elegant as usual. When she came out, she collected the rest of her things. She was walking with her back straight and her head held high, but it was taking every ounce of her strength to do so. Her quiet dignity was galling him, and she knew it. He had expected her either to flee in shame or stoop to his level by letting fly at him, giving him fuel for more vengeful words. 

She looked up at him one last time as she stood by the door to leave. "You must hate me very much," she said simply. 

"You've taken the words right out of my mouth!" 

"I will go now, since my presence is so obnoxious to you." 

"Good. Because I never want to set eyes on you again!" 

"Don't worry. I imagine we can hardly avoid each other for the rest of the debriefings. After that, believe me, I will never darken your doorstep again. Goodbye, Chakotay! I hope you have a happy life." 

"Good riddance, Kathryn!" 

"Oh…one word of advice…don't you ever…ever….treat her with the disrespect you have shown me today!" 

"I won't have to!" he responded with gritted teeth to her proud retreating back. "She loves me." He didn't know if she heard. She never looked back. She certainly wasn't going to let him see the tears that were finally spilling down her face. 

He spent several hours seething, mostly over her refusal to hit back at him. It hadn't had quite the purgative effect he'd anticipated. By the time he was calm enough, he took himself over to see Seven, looking forward to a wholly more delightful evening. 


	3. Chapter 3

The debriefings were over soon after that, and then, true to her word, Kathryn simply disappeared. The whole crew were mystified, none of them aware of what had happened between the former command team. In fact, many were worried about her, making some unsuccessful attempts to find her. 

Chakotay and Seven's relationship lasted another five weeks. Even he would have to admit that it was entirely unsatisfying. There was no real spark, no real companionship, the age gap yawned on earth in a way it might not have done confined on the ship, and they simply had nothing in common. Even their love-making failed to ignite, and Chakotay had to fight to avoid comparing it with the wonderful sexual relationship he had had with Kathryn. Seven, moreover, was very far from wanting to start a family in the near future. 

In the end, Seven ended it, telling him she wanted to explore other possibilities…there were so many to choose from…and thanking him rather stiffly for initiating her into the art of courtship and love. He didn't put up much of a fight to keep her, though his pride was sorely hurt. He knew he looked a fool, and it galled him to think Kathryn had been proven right, but a bigger part of him was relieved. 

He wallowed in his own self-pity for several days, before the cold hard truth finally hit him. He had lost the love of his life because of his behaviour, because of a few hours of lunacy. The words he had said to her were too awful to contemplate, and he could never take them back. He did not think anything more vindictive or hurtful had ever come out of his mouth, and the person he'd said them to had been the person whose opinion of him mattered more than any other. He wrote her a long letter of apology, hoping that somehow it would get to her, but he didn't look for her. He knew he didn't deserve forgiveness. He couldn't forgive himself. 

Eventually, he confided in B'Elanna. She was very concerned at Chakotay's descent into depression, and she had imagined him to be distraught at his break-up with Seven. When an ashamed Chakotay told her the truth, she was absolutely horrified, and she told him exactly what she thought of him. 

In a way, he found it cathartic. He finally had been given the dressing down he thoroughly deserved. Slowly, mechanically, he began to pick up the pieces of his life. 

He left Starfleet. For some strange reason, without Kathryn as his Commanding Officer, it no longer held appeal for him. 

Instead, he leased a cargo ship, _the Seagull_. He wanted to be master of his own life. Mike Ayala became his First Officer, and one or two other anchorless former Maquis joined the crew. They set out travelling the trade routes around the former DMZ, DS9 and earth, in point of fact much their old familiar stomping ground. They knew the area well, and it suited them perfectly. 

* * *

  


Some weeks later, B'Elanna contacted him to tell him that Harry Kim had located Kathryn. She was in some remote part of Oregon. He had visited her several times, although she had made him swear to secrecy as to her whereabouts, particularly concerned that Chakotay should never find her, although she did not tell him why. 

Poor Harry Kim was extremely worried about his former Captain, and was unable to bear the burden of what he had learned alone. In time, he confided in Tom Paris, and thus to B'Elanna. B'Elanna put two and two together and agonised for another three days before contacting Chakotay. She finally decided he had to know. 

"She's pregnant." 

With those words, Chakotay's fragile world came crashing down again. The enormity of what he had lost ate at him savagely. That embryonic family of his dreams was evolving in some remote corner of earth…only he wasn't part of it, and most likely never would be. 

* * *

  


Kathryn opened the door, her face falling as soon as she saw who was standing there. She immediately went to shut it again, but Chakotay had already got his foot in the way. 

"Let me speak to you…please." 

Kathryn hesitated, then allowed the door to open again, releasing his trapped foot. "You have two minutes." 

He stepped inside. "Did you get my letter?" 

"Yes. I threw it in the trash." 

"Did you read it?" 

Reluctantly she had to answer, "Yes. I did waste my time reading it. It meant nothing to me." 

He nodded. "A letter wasn't enough, I know. I need to apologise in person. What I did was terrible, and the things I said…I didn't mean any of it. I'm truly sorry, Kathryn." 

"Chakotay, I am really not interested in your apology. Now will you please leave?" 

She disappeared into her sparsely furnished lounge, and he followed her. He saw at once that she was collecting her comm badge. 

"It's true then?" he asked, studying her gently rounded belly. 

"What?" 

"When's it due?" 

"September," she responded with a huff that signalled that she had already had enough of this conversation. 

"Is it mine?" 

Suddenly she looked up in outrage. "Chakotay, how dare you! You are the only man I've been with in nearly eight years." 

This stunned Chakotay. He'd always supposed that she'd slept with at least three men since him, and it cut him to realise that he had at least misjudged her on this. 

"Not even when you moved in with Jaffen?" he asked incredulously. 

"The Norvalians don't have sex organs." 

"Oh G-d. I'm so stupid. I should have realised. How did it happen? Did your contraceptive fail?" 

"Chakotay, I came to offer you everything you wanted…and that included the baby. I'd been to the Doctor several weeks before…to be sure I was still capable and well…I guess at my age, I never dreamt I'd have the good fortune to fall first time." 

"Oh Kathryn!" he said in an anguished voice. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am. But I want you to know, if I could undo what happened that night I would. I treated you shamefully, and I lost the best relationship of my life over it. The things I said just weren't true. I did and still do love you. I behaved like a complete moron. You acted with absolute dignity, and I have the utmost respect for you for it. You told me I would regret it, and you were right. I acted out of pure spite, short-lived fury, and I totally lost it with the woman I love. I know I'm asking the impossible, but I truly hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." 

"Chakotay, you went straight from my bed to hers!" she shouted with eyes flashing dangerously. 

"No, I didn't, I swear!" 

"You went to her…" 

"You were watching?" 

"I have my sources." 

"We didn't make love…not that night." 

"I don't want the sordid details!" 

"No, I'm sorry." 

"In fact, you treated the both of us shamefully. You should have shown both of us more respect." 

"I know," he said, hanging his head in contrition. 

"You know you did me a favour that night. I might have gone on with the rest of my life thinking that I had missed out on the relationship of my life, but now I see that what we had was an illusion. You are not the caring, considerate man I thought you to be. You're not the same man I fell in love with all those years ago. You lost control. I had no idea you were capable of stooping so low! I'm so glad I found out before it was too late. In retrospect, I had a lucky escape. I could have been embarking on a relationship that would have turned out to be a living hell!" 

"No, it wouldn't have been like that. I love you. I'll never treat you that way again. That crazed man wasn't the real me." 

"You won't have the opportunity," she said, looking at him resentfully. "I can forgive you for being angry with me…even for being a little rough. But I can never forgive you for tossing me away like a dirty rag, treating me like a common whore. And I can never forgive you for the vile words you said afterwards." 

"None of it was true. I love you, and I know you are beautiful. Every bit of you is beautiful. I'm two years older than you, and if you have the body of a dried up old prune, then I must have the body of a…dried up old...em...dung beetle or Rigellan frog spawn or something....whatever disgusting thing you care to name. I was vicious and outrageous. I am ashamed that the words came out of my mouth." 

"Don't waste your breath! The words can never be unsaid, Chakotay," she said, trying to calm her voice. "What I did to you, I did out of love. But you acted out of hate. There is a world of difference. Nothing you did to me was justified by what I did to you." 

"I know. But, if you give me the chance, I will make it up to you. Let me back into your life. Let me share the responsibility of bringing up this child. I promise you, I can be the loving man I used to be…I can be a devoted father! We can be a family again. A happy family." 

"Let you back into my life?" she asked disdainfully. "Are you mad?" 

"Not any more. Kathryn, give me a second chance…" 

"No, Chakotay. Not now. Not ever. I would never know if it was me you wanted or the baby…" 

"I want you both," he said, looking at her frankly. "I love you both." 

"No, there is no way back now. This is not going to happen, end of discussion." She lifted her comm badge. "I want you to leave now." 

"Alright, I'm going," he said in resignation, taking several heavy steps towards the door. He really hadn't expected her reaction to be any different. "Is everything alright…with the baby, I mean?" 

"Yes, everything's fine." 

"Do you need anything?" 

"Not from you. Chakotay, I promised to stay out of your life, now will you stay out of mine?" 

"For now…but when the baby comes…" 

"When the baby comes, I'll be long gone." 

"What? You can't shut me out of my own child's life?" 

"Just watch me!" 

"I'll look for you." 

"I'll take him so far from here, you will wonder if we ever existed. There are dozens of dark holes we can disappear into. Half a million planets across two quadrants where we can hide away." 

"Kathryn…don't do this to me. Don't do this to us. You are not Seska." 

"Try and stop me." 

"Then you must hate me very much, but I understand why you do." he concluded sadly. "Goodbye, Kathryn. I hope after you've had time to reflect, you'll realise that I can be a good and loving father to this baby, and that you'll decide to do what's best for the child. I want nothing more than to support and love you both." 

He left hugely disappointed, but not surprised. He'd gotten the earful he'd expected. He was half way down the path before he realised that she had referred to the baby as a him. His heart skipped. He was going to have a son! 

* * *

  


He went back to his ship and continued strolling the stars with cargos of foodstuffs, technology and other materials. They were warned by the Federation to be very cautious. Cardassian insurgents were beginning to cause trouble in the former DMZ. Rumours that they had acquired a new weapon were extremely alarming. They were apparently in possession of seismic canons, which could cause widespread devastation by initiating earthquakes on a massive scale. 

Kathryn vanished from Oregon, and Chakotay's heart ached with the loss. He knew now, more than ever, what a profound and precious thing he had let slip through his hands. He waited in the hope that some hint of her whereabouts might come his way, but he fully intended to leave her alone until the baby was born, giving time for her to digest the substance of his apology and for the wounds to heal. 

In early September, he received a curt note from Voyager's EMH that she had been safely delivered of a son. Alexander Edward Janeway. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Mike?" B'Elanna's voice filtered through the comm system. 

"B'Elanna? How are you?" 

"I'm fine. It's the Admiral. Where are you?" 

"The Dortend system." 

"I thought so. You're not too far away. Maybe you can do something." 

"What's the problem?" 

"Can you put Chakotay on? He needs to hear this." 

"He's probably asleep." 

"Then wake him and patch me through. This is urgent." 

"B'Elanna?" came Chakotay's anxious sleepy voice over the comm. 

"The Cardassians have set off their new weapons." 

"We'd heard some reports." 

"They've caused earthquakes on a dozen planets. One of them is Vedris Sarmoris. It was hit twelve hours ago." 

"Yes?" 

"We think Kathryn's there with the baby. She's been working with the Bajorans on DS9 and in the former DMZ, spending most of her downtime at the settlement." 

"Oh G-d. Is she definitely there?" said Chakotay, desperately clutching at the faint hope that she wasn't. 

"Almost certainly. DS9 confirmed just now that she's not there, nor in transit, and is presumed to be at Vedris. They spoke to her on Vedris fifteen hours ago." Chakotay felt a wall of nausea hit him. This was the worst possible news. He rubbed his brow despondently, fighting to keep calm and think clearly. 

"How bad is the damage?" 

"No-one knows yet, but it's likely to be severe. Chakotay, there are hardly any Federation ships in the area, and those that are will probably head for the nearer planets first." 

"Spirits!" he said, shutting his eyes in despair. 

"How far away are you?" 

"Fifteen hours, maybe. I'll check." 

"That's twenty hours sooner than any Federation vessels. There may be a few smaller Bajoran merchant transports within range, but there's a huge area to be covered, and they're manned by untrained civilians. Chakotay, you will go, won't you?" B'Elanna's voice betrayed the anxiety she was feeling. 

"I'll see what I can do. B'Elanna?" 

"Yes?" 

"My whole life's down there," he said with a sob. 

"I know." 

* * *

  


Chakotay and Ayala looked around to orientate themselves, horrified by the devastation. In every direction there were crumbling buildings, some mere heaps of rubble, some jagged like broken teeth, others lopsided and leaning precariously, a few standing tall and proud, relatively unscathed. 

In some places, people were searching the rubble for missing friends and relatives. A number of injured were lying around, attended by a few over-stretched medics. Some were wailing desperately, others were eerily silent. Other wounded people were hobbling away from the settlement. A child sat on the top of one heap crying for its mother. 

Chakotay pulled out his scanner and surveyed the area. 

"No human lifesigns. Only Bajoran," he said with a sinking spirit. 

"Some of the buildings have shielding…she may be lying low," Ayala said. 

"Or dead," commented Chakotay glumly. 

They went over to one of the rescue parties, and directed the workers where to dig. Their scanners could pinpoint the location of anyone still alive. 

They asked if anyone knew the whereabouts of a human female with a baby. Some denied all knowledge, others knew of her but not where she lived. It took a while, but finally someone directed them to a district on the far side of the settlement. 

They started out across the ruins, hearing the joyful shouts of the rescue party behind them, as they extracted a woman from the wreckage of her home, injured but alive. 

They clambered across stones and rubble for a couple of kilometers. There were a few people still about, scratching among the ruins, but much of this area had been abandoned. A man was walking with an arm round his teenage daughter, trying desperately to console her. 

There was a bang and a fizz of phaser fire several hundred metres to the north-west. Suddenly, a few men rushed past them in a hurry to escape the village. 

"Cardassians! Everyone…get out! Save yourselves!" 

Even as they turned to watch this frightened group vanish, four Cardassian soldiers emerged from the side of a building. They were quickly able to dodge behind some toppled pillars. The man and his daughter were not so lucky. They were caught right out in the open. 

The two beleaguered Bajorans froze, unable to escape, and lifted their arms in surrender. The leader of the Cardassians grinned, lifted his phaser and fired in cold blood at the man. His daughter screamed as he dropped like a stone to the ground, then another of the Cardassians seized her by the arm, yanking her roughly towards him. 

"This one will provide us with some fun tonight!" he laughed. 

The others joined in, laughing, prodding and kicking. Ayala was about to jump straight out and take the soldiers there and then, but Chakotay signalled for him to wait. Too much was at stake here. He surveyed the area very carefully for any unseen Cardassians before acting. They could not afford to be taken in surprise by superior numbers. 

Finally, just as the Cardassians began dragging the struggling girl away, Chakotay was sure that the four soldiers in view were alone. He flicked his hand towards the gathering, and the two ex-Maquis leapt out. 

A quick exchange of fire left all four Cardassians dead, and one hysterical girl standing in the middle of the carnage. Chakotay knelt by her father, and decided that he was still alive…just. He had both of the victims beamed up to _the Seagull_. There were very limited medical facilities aboard, and only a couple of people with first aid knowledge, but the man's chances were better there than they were here. 

Before they left, Chakotay was able to calm the girl down sufficiently to obtain more reliable directions to Kathryn's home. 

They travelled on, stealthily now and keeping to the cover of what was left of the buildings. They spied at least one other Cardassian raiding party. They were killing some, the lucky ones, taking others hostage, just on a whim, and enjoying the sport with wicked delight. 

They reached a building which fitted the description the girl had given them. Scanning carefully, they at first found nothing. This was a building equipped with shielding, indeed the whole area was heavily shielded. They pushed their way through a broken window and scanned again. At last they picked up the faintest of signals through a gap in the rubble. 

"The basement!" Chakotay cried. 

The stairs were relatively intact, but in the basement there were several fallen joists and a lot of dust and rubble. 

A young Bajoran girl, with a badly injured leg and lascerations on her arm, was huddled on a broken chair. She looked about twelve, and clearly had cried herself out from the tracks on her dirty cheeks. She looked absolutely terrified. 

"Please…don't hurt me!" she cried, curling herself into a tight ball. 

"We won't hurt you. We're here to help." 

"You going to rescue us?" she said, uncurling herself slightly. 

"Yes. What's your name, young lady?" 

"Merissa." 

"Well, Merissa, are you all by yourself?" 

"No…the Admiral's over there…and baby Alex. She..em..trapped. Beam fall on her. I try to get someone to help, but no-one come. Said they got no lifting quipment." 

As if to confirm the girl's words, a baby whimpered from beyond the fallen masonry. 

The two men clambered hurriedly through the gaps, and found Kathryn, pale and half-dead, with the baby held limply in one arm. A huge joist lay across her thighs. 

"Kathryn!" Chakotay cried, burrowing one arm under her head. Her eyes flickered, and he noticed her lips were dry as paper. 

"Chakotay! You're here!" 

"Yes, my love. Here…drink this," he said, offering her some water. She drank a few sips, until her head sank back with the effort. 

He smiled at the baby. "He's beautiful, Kathryn." 

"No...no time! You've got to get Alex out of here! They're coming…the Cardassians…I heard them." 

"We're going to get you all out." 

"Never lift this." 

"We're going to damned well try." 

It was futile, however, and they knew it really. The beam was far too heavy for them, and transporters couldn't be used because of the shielding. 

"We'll get some help," Chakotay assured her. "And if we can't, we'll phaser your legs off." 

"Oh G-d!" 

"You've faced worse!" He looked at her grimly. "We are not leaving you here to die!" 

"Don't put yourselves at risk. I'm half-dead already. Get Alex to safety…please, Chakotay. And Merissa. She wouldn't leave me. She's terrified." Chakotay hesitated, reluctant to leave her. "Chakotay, you've got to hurry. Get them out…please." 

"Alright," he said, taking the baby from her. Her fingers lingered on the tiny bundle before falling away. "I'll stay here with you. Mike can take them." 

"No!" she protested. "You must both go. You'll stand a better chance, if both of you go." 

"I can't leave you." 

"You must." 

"We'll be back, I promise! I love you!" 

"Can you pass me my phaser?" she asked, coughing from the dust. She nodded at an object in the debris on the floor. 

"Planning to take out a few Cardassians?" said Ayala, blowing the dust off it and giving it to her. 

"Maybe. Or prevent myself from being taken.." 

Chakotay swallowed. He didn't like the sound of this. "It won't come to that. Hold on, Kathryn. I will be back." 

"It's too dangerous. I probably won't make it anyway. Don't take the risk…Alex needs a father. Just get going!" 

He nodded. There wasn't time to argue any longer, and her eyes were already closing with the effort. Quickly they vanished back through curtain of rubble, then, taking the frightened Merissa with them, they made their way cautiously outside. It was slow progress. They had to be extremely careful, because the fretting of the baby could catch the Cardassian's attention. They skirted their way around some of the buildings, so it took them some time to escape the interference caused by all the shielding and find a safe place to contact the ship. 

As soon as they did, they all beamed up. Chakotay spent a few precious seconds admiring his son and kissing him on the forehead, before handing him over to another perplexed crewmember to deal with. 

He enquired after the teenager and her father, and found that they had been beamed to a nearby Bajoran ship…there were two now in orbit…for treatment. They couldn't deal with the man's injuries here. Merissa would soon be sent after them. 

He quickly assembled a larger landing party, ten men now, and what passed for lifting equipment aboard ship. 

They beamed back down as near to Kathryn's location as they could, and crept back. The Cardassians seemed nearer now, but it was also obvious there were some Bajoran rescue parties on the surface too. 

At the house, they posted two watchmen at the entrance, the other eight followed Chakotay down to Kathryn. 

He held his heart in his throat as they climbed through to her, wondering if she would still be alive. She wouldn't be able to survive much longer in her condition, or, God forbid, she might even have used the phaser on herself. 

As he emerged from the debris into the small space where she was trapped, he saw her lying very still. She looked so white and her eyes were closed…she most certainly could have been supposed to be dead. 

He knelt down beside her anxiously, seizing her wrist, and, to his relief, found a weak pulse. A faint rise of her chest accompanied by an agonised wheeze confirmed it. 

"Kathryn?" 

She opened her eyes, but they were unfocused. 

"Wha.." 

"I'm here. Everything's going to be alright." 

"You came back?" she asked in complete disbelief. She really hadn't expected to see him again. "Alex?" 

"He's safe. He's on the ship. Bawling his lungs out, but he'll be fine." 

"Thank God," she said, and closed her eyes again. All the time he was talking, his team were working both ends of the beam, removing the loose debris, and installing jacks underneath. 

"Kathryn?" he cried, shaking her chin roughly, "I need you to stay with me. Listen to me…" 

"Lifesigns are very weak," said Doyle, standing on the other side of her with a device in his hand. "We have to get her out of here quickly. This may buy us a bit more time," he said injecting something into her neck. Chakotay didn't need Doyle to tell him how desperately short of time they were. He could see it for himself. 

She sucked in a deep breath and her eyes opened again. "You came back," she repeated incredulously. 

"I promised you I would. I wasn't going to leave you to die. You're far too precious to me. I love you, remember?" 

It took the team an agonisingly slow ten minutes to prepare the lifting gear. After a while, they could hear rapid phaser fire quite close by. A few worried looks were exchanged over Kathryn's inert body. A Bajoran group had obviously engaged some Cardassians, but so far luck had been on their side. They had not been discovered. Maybe the shielding that prevented them from scanning and transporting had also protected them from Cardassian detection too. 

Tourniquets were placed round both legs, and when they began lifting, he'd expected Kathryn to scream, but she didn't. Her legs were ominously dead, but she was struggling to breathe. 

A few centimetres gap opened up, enough to drag the poor woman out, which they did with an unceremonious yank. They couldn't afford to waste time or risk failure by being more careful about it. She did yell at this. They took a few moments to check her over, but decided the best thing would be to get her out as quickly as possible. None of them were medical experts, and their primary concerns were to avoid being entombed by any further collapsing masonry and to avoid falling into enemy hands. 

She was pushed and tugged through the wall of rubble, then placed on a waiting stretcher. They then dodged up the stairs and out of the building. Kathryn was mercifully unconscious for much of it. 

They ran as best they could, avoiding the ongoing skirmishes, dodging the groups of Cardassian soldiers looting the area, taking shelter behind the broken buildings a number of times, before they escaped into the countryside around the settlement. They called for transport several times before their plea for help was received. Just as another group of Cardassians came bounding out of the village, they vanished into the ether. 

With huge relief, they found themselves back on the ship. 


	5. Chapter 5

In the infirmary, the first aider shook his head hopelessly and declared immediately that they needed expert medical help. They could do little for her here. 

"She needs emergency treatment. I can pack her legs with ice, stabilise her lifesigns…but there is little more I can do." 

"Where's the nearest Federation ship?" asked Chakotay. 

"We're in luck. _The Enterprise_. Ten hours at warp," answered Doyle. 

"Ten hours? That's lucky?" 

"G-d, yes. We might have been days away from proper medical facilities." 

"Set a course, and call them ahead. They may be able to meet us halfway!" 

"Aye, sir," said Ayala. 

It took six hours for the rendezvous to take place. _The Enterprise_ had several landing parties working on another of the stricken planets, but they left shuttlecraft as support and came part way to meet them, when they realised who it was that needed their help. Chakotay transferred with Kathryn and Alexander to the other ship. He handed _the Seagull_ over to Ayala, with orders to continue with their cargo run, when they were no longer needed for any further rescue missions. The crew were relieved to see them go. 

* * *

  


Beverly Crusher made a quick assessment of the unconscious woman who came into her care, and knew she had a difficult task ahead. 

When she lifted the sheet off Kathryn's legs, there was an appalling silence. The thighs were mangled, the legs below this were bloated and a ghastly grey colour. Her eyes met Chakotay's and she knew she didn't have to explain the situation. 

"I won't be able to save her legs. It's touch and go with her life." 

Chakotay nodded tearfully, and shifted the fretful baby to his other shoulder. 

"Alyssa, please assess the baby for me." 

"Yes, ma'am," said her chief medical assistant, taking the baby from Chakotay. 

Whilst Beverly continued working on Kathryn, Alyssa Ogawa scanned the baby and announced that he was dehydrated, but had no other injuries. 

"We've tried to feed him, but he won't take a bottle," commented Chakotay. 

"Well, his mother is in no way capable of feeding him, and is unlikely to be for some time. We'll have to persevere. In the meantime, will you infuse some fluids and then get somebody up here to take him off our hands?" 

Ogawa did as she was asked, and then arranged for a nurse from the child-care department to come and collect him in a couple of hours. 

Beverly sent Chakotay out of the room while she worked on Kathryn. He waited in the office with only his fears for company for quite a long time. Eventually, the Captain of _the Enterprise_ himself came down to check on the new arrivals. 

He asked Beverly for a quick report on the patient's prognosis, which was not good, and then went to introduce himself to Chakotay. 

"I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard," he offered, shaking Chakotay's hand. 

"Pleased to meet you," said Chakotay, in no mood for small talk. 

As it happened, Jean-Luc wasn't much given to small talk either, so the conversation flowed rather awkwardly. 

Jean-Luc expressed his concerns over the Admiral's condition…he had met her a number of times… and told him not to worry about the baby. They had specially trained staff to look after infants on board. 

Chakotay told him that he would go and collect Alexander later in the day. 

"There's no need for that," responded Jean-Luc. "We have plenty of staff who can cope. You need not bother yourself about the baby at all." 

"He's my son," said Chakotay in explanation. 

"Ah!" said a surprised Picard, slightly rattled by this new disclosure. "His records don't name a father. Ahem, well…we'll leave you to decide what's best for him. In the meantime, let me assure you he is good hands. Although, if you don't mind, I'll ask the Doctor to run a DNA check...just to establish you as his next of kin. His mother is in no fit state to confirm it at present." 

Chakotay nodded his consent. This was of little consequence to him at the moment. 

They discussed the critical situation in the region, both men having strong views about the Cardassians. It was difficult to see what they hoped to gain. They might temporarily annex old territory, but they would certainly evoke no sympathy and within days Federation ships would descend in force on the region. 

Beverly came into the office, looking at the two men cautiously. 

"I want to try something. I'll need your permission to try it, Jean-Luc, since there is no way of contacting Janeway's family in time." 

"Please explain." 

"Chakotay, I know that Borg nanoprobes have been used to revitalise necrotic tissue successfully a number of times. I believe the technique was pioneered by your own EMH whilst saving your Talaxian's life even though he had been dead some time, is that correct?" 

"Why, yes it is, but we don't have a source of nanoprobes on board. Our EMH extracted them from Seven of Nine." 

"I think we do. Kathryn herself was partially assimilated, and must have a number of nanoprobes dormant in her system." 

"Not enough, surely?" 

"Maybe not, and it is doubtful whether any attempt should be made to extract anything from her at this stage. However, there is also Jean-Luc. He should be able to supply more than sufficient for our purposes." 

As all eyes turned to him, Jean-Luc shifted uncomfortably, not wishing to reminded of his tenure as Locutus. 

"Of course," he said without hesitation, "If there is anything I can do…" 

Beverly Crusher smiled more easily than she had for several hours. "You can get off your backside and take that delightful derrière of yours and park it on that bio-bed over there!" she ordered. 

Jean-Luc stood up, grumbling. "Damn! The women around here are so bossy, aren't they?" 

Chakotay allowed himself a small smile. "They sure are." 

It took Beverly some time to extract the required nanoprobes from Jean-Luc, and program them to start tissue regeneration. She then began injecting them into Janeway's legs, whilst applying careful safeguards to prevent contamination of Kathryn's healthy blood cells, which might result in septicaemia. She planned to induce an isolated artificial blood circulation in the patients' legs for some time. It was another three hours before she was confident enough to announce that the procedure was working, and begin to tackle the fractures with the osteo-regenerator. 

Finally, Chakotay could breathe again. 


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn groaned. She'd been heavily sedated for two days. 

"Welcome back, love," came his soft voice. She realised he was holding her hand, but was too weak to throw any objections. In fact, she was grateful for his presence. Just holding a human hand felt like a lifeline to her. "How are you feeling?" 

It took her a while to answer. "I've been better. Alex?" 

"He's fine. Relax. I'll bring him to see you later." 

"Are you in much pain?" asked Beverly Crusher, swimming into her vision. 

"Yes," she squeaked. 

"This should help," said Beverly, injecting her in the neck. "Now try to keep still. You mustn't move your legs at all." 

"Still got them then?" 

"Yes," said Chakotay. "And you should plan on keeping them. They're rather lovely legs." 

"Thought they'd be gone." 

"The Doctor worked a miracle…used nanoprobes to save them...courtesy of Captain Jean-Luc Picard." 

"Are we on _the Enterprise?_ " 

"We sure are." 

"Nanoprobes, you say?" 

"Yes. So you have Seven to thank for saving your legs." 

"Remind me to send her a note of gratitude," she said with a weak smile. "Are they a mess?" 

"Well, they're not at their best, but the Doctor thinks they'll be back to normal in a few weeks." 

"Worse than a dried prune?" she ventured. 

"Much worse," he grinned rather riskily. "But I love them anyway." He was relieved to see her smile. 

Kathryn glanced down. There were two strange arched instruments on each of her thighs, and the Doctor explained that the circulation in her legs was isolated from the rest of her body and being carefully maintained by external systems. It would be another twenty-four hours before they could be removed, and Kathryn would remain confined to bed for several days beyond that. She would need help as she started to walk again. 

At all this news, Kathryn began to express her worries as to how the baby would be cared for, and Chakotay reassured her that he was being well looked after in the crèche. He had taken responsibility for him overnight. 

"I didn't get much sleep. He has a healthy pair of lungs." 

"Your turn. You owe me." 

"I guess I do. He's right picky, and as stubborn as his mother. He's been absolutely disgusted at our attempts to feed him with a bottle…but we're making progress," he added hastily. 

"Can I see him?" 

"I'll bring him up this afternoon. You must get some rest now." So must I, he thought. 

As he left, he lifted her hand to his lips, and kissed it. 

* * *

  


Chakotay sat beside her bed, admiring her neat adorable nose. He'd always loved her nose. Her hair was dishevelled and her lips were cracked and dry, but she was still beautiful, he thought. It made his heart contract, as the stinging words he'd thrown at her crowded his memory yet again. 

Alexander wriggled fretfully in his arms, sensing his mother's presence after several days of deprivation of contact, and he knew he had to wake her. He reached forward and touched her delicate hand, rubbing his thumb fondly across the knuckles. 

"Kathryn?" She stirred, with a groan. "Kathryn, I've brought someone to see you." 

She blinked a few times, before she took in what had been said, then turned towards them with a huge grin. She attempted unsuccessfully to sit up, and Beverly Crusher came rushing over. 

"You still mustn't move those legs!" she warned. 

"I want to hold him." 

"We'll see if we can prop you up a bit." 

Beverly worked the bed, so that Kathryn's head and shoulders were raised a little, and then Chakotay laid Alexander in her arms. 

"Well, how are you, little one? Has Daddy been treating you properly?" 

Kathryn began checking the baby over anxiously. 

"I haven't lost any bits," Chakotay told her. 

"I should hope not." 

The baby was rooting about for food, and the Doctor rushed over with a bottle, advising that Kathryn mustn't feed the baby for the time being. She had too many drugs in her system. 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay. "You look tired." 

"I've had three nights with almost no sleep!" he lamented. 

"Welcome to the club." 

"At least I'm getting the chance to get to know my son. We're getting acquainted, you and I, aren't we?" he said, allowing the baby to wrap his hand around his little finger. "Kathryn, I want to play a big part in his life. Don't make Alexander pay for my mistake. I want to be a father to him." 

"Well, Chakotay, I think you've earned the right." 

"Thank you," he said with relief. "You won't regret this." 

She sighed. "I still can't believe you came back for me. Why did you come back for me?" 

"You think I'd have left you there to die? Kathryn, you're far too important to me. I could never have lived with myself if we'd lost you." He noticed she looked doubtful. "You still think I hate you, don't you?" 

"The thought had crossed my mind." 

"I still love you…deep down I always have." Her head slumped back on the pillow. "Kathryn?" he ventured tentatively, "Seven years of friendship and one year of the happiest love affair of my entire life shouldn't be wiped away by less than an hour's utter madness. Our relationship is far too precious for that. I'm sorry all that bitterness, all that venom came pouring out. It ruined everything. I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I did that evening. Please Kathryn, can we put the past behind us and try and be friends again?" 

She looked at him uncertainly. "I don't know about friends, but I think we can manage to be in the same room and not tear each others' eyes out." 

He nodded solemnly. It was a start. 

"Thank you, Chakotay, for coming for us. We wouldn't have made it without you." 

He reached out and took one of her hands in his. "I'd do anything for you...both of you," he said honestly. 

When he left, taking the sleepy Alexander with him, he kissed her on the forehead. 

* * *

  


"Beverly's taken the clamps off," Kathryn announced excitedly. "She's so pleased with how things are going, she's going to get me on my feet tomorrow." 

"That's great, really great," he laughed, rubbing her arm affectionately. "But I was rather enjoying having you as an enforced audience. If she lets you out of bed, you'll be able to ignore me again." 

"As if I would do that!" 

"How are they feeling?" 

Kathryn lifted the sheet a little. "Rather sore actually." 

"She's says you'll still recover more quickly than if you had to have artificial legs fitted…and the end result will be much more satisfactory." 

"Well, they look far from satisfactory at the moment. I think I'm attached to two bloated Rigellan sea slugs." 

"Don't worry. I'm sure they'll go back to looking like dried up old prunes some time soon!" Chakotay had decided to risk some teasing to lighten the tension between them. They'd always thrived on it in the long and distant past. 

He was rewarded by watching the pout on her lips eventually twist into a half-smile under the warmth of his grin. 

He leaned in closer. "As it happens, I'm rather partial to prunes. They're a rare delicacy these days," he whispered wickedly. 

Kathryn sighed. "Doctor Crusher's worked a miracle here." 

"She sure has." 

"She's writing a paper on it. Never have I had to endure so many scans, so many pokes, so many prods. She's more demanding than our dear EMH, and you can't switch her off! She has padds full of data on the circulation in my legs…images and everything. It's so embarrassing." 

"I don't think she'll have to name the patient, and your secret's safe with me. You'll have to allow her her moment of glory. Just think...it may help somebody else in a similar situation." 

"I suppose. How are the rescue efforts going?" 

"They've abandoned all hope of finding any more survivors. Mike's taken _the Seagull_ back on the cargo run." 

"Any news of Merissa?" 

"They located her father on Bajor, and she was reunited with him yesterday. You never told me he was an ambassador…" 

"I was in no fit state to give you the detailed report, if you remember?" 

"I remember." 

"Chakotay?" 

"Mmm?" 

"I wasn't very fair on you…all those years ago. I should have listened to you, taken more account of your feelings when I broke it off. I thought I was doing the right thing…maybe I wasn't. I'm sorry." 

"Kathryn Janeway, was that an apology?" 

"I think it was," she admitted softly. 

"What's brought this on?" he asked, rather astounded by this turn of events. 

"Something Jean-Luc said earlier…about Beverly and him missing all their chances, and regretting letting protocol get in the way...how he wasn't going to let it stop him any more." 

"You starship Captains are far too stuffy for your own good sometimes." 

"I'll have you know I'm an Admiral now." 

"And a damned gorgeous one at that!" 

When he left, he kissed her on the cheek. 

* * *

  


"One more time," Chakotay ordered. 

Kathryn groaned. She was standing at the far end of sickbay with her back to him and both arms on a set of parallel bars which had been set up for her to practise walking. "Twenty, Beverly said…and I've done every single painful one of them!" 

"Then do one more for me!" 

Slowly, awkwardly she turned herself round to face him with a glare. 

"For you?" 

"Yes. Come on." She took a faltering step forward, her eyes focused on her feet. "That's it! Good! You'll have to get your strength back, so I can make love to you again." 

Her head shot up in shock. It was on the tip of her tongue to say some outraged retort, but she closed her mouth firmly and instead looked back down to her feet to force another step. "She didn't say no!" said Chakotay with a happy laugh. 

"She didn't say yes, either," said Kathryn smiling to herself, but he spotted it. 

"No, but she's thinking about it! Come on, Kathryn, just a few more metres to go." 

With supreme effort, Kathryn made it along to the end of the bars where he was waiting for her. 

"Brilliant!" he praised. With a huge smile on his face, he held out his hands to her. She let go of the bars and collapsed into his inviting arms. For a few seconds, he held her close to him, enjoying the moment and dreamily nuzzling the top of her head. 

"If you ever want Alexander to have a brother or a sister, you're going to have to let me get some practice in…" 

"Oh, so you've never heard of artificial insemination then?" 

"I am kind of an old-fashioned guy. I like to do things the tried and tested way." 

"In your dreams!" she said. 

"In yours too!" he taunted. 

When he left, he kissed her on the lips. 

* * *

  


Beverly released Kathryn from Sickbay, into Chakotay's care. She had wanted her own room, but the Doctor wouldn't let her be on her own, and it couldn't be denied that she needed help with the baby. For the next three nights, Chakotay slept on the sofa in the lounge. He was more than happy to do so. He was in seventh heaven and hoping that this brief spell at playing happy families would never come to an end. On their last night aboard, they shared a delightful meal and growing friendship with Jean-Luc and Beverly, to whom they expressed much thanks for their infinite care and assistance. 

They were delivered into the care of the medical staff on DS9, who weren't letting Kathryn stay alone either, so they took a suite of rooms for a week, whilst Kathryn's treatment continued. She could hobble small distances on crutches now. Meanwhile, Chakotay did everything in his power to show her what a good partner and father he could be. He wanted to her to realise how much she would be missing out on, if she turned her back on all this. 

After that, they booked adjoining rooms on a shuttle to earth. He had a long-standing arrangement to spend Christmas with Tom and B'Elanna. He intended to keep it. If he could just persuade Kathryn to come too, everything would be perfect. 

The tension had diffused between them, or at least it was taking on a very different nature. They were back to their old teasing and flirting. It was very reminiscent of the sexual jostling on New Earth that had preceded their first coming together. He couldn't be sure it would end the same way, but he hoped. He couldn't forget how mind-blowing it had been that first time all those years ago. 


	7. Chapter 7

B'Elanna opened the door in answer to the chime. She was overjoyed to see Chakotay standing there, even more to see a baby snoozing with his head on his shoulder. 

"Chakotay! You made it!" 

"Would I let anything stop me from spending Christmas with my best friends?" 

They hugged awkwardly to avoid disturbing the baby. 

"So, who's this you've brought to see me?" 

"B'Elanna, meet Alexander Janeway," he announced proudly, carefully shifting the sleeping bundle onto her shoulder. 

"Why, hello little one," she said, rocking the baby gently. He sighed in his sleep, but didn't awaken. "Has Mommy come with you?" she continued, hopefully. 

"Yes…she's just coming," he answered, stepping slightly aside to give B'Elanna a view down the path. "Slowly." 

B'Elanna glanced down the pathway, and saw Kathryn on her crutches struggling on some distant steps. B'Elanna broke into a huge smile, and took a few steps towards her former Captain. 

"Kathryn…Oh, it's so good to see you…" 

"Have you room for any more houseguests? I'm sorry to turn up unannounced…" 

"Kathryn…of course! You're welcome anytime, you know that. We're just so relieved to have you back safe and well." 

"And just about in one piece." 

"I don't mind sleeping in the lounge on the floor or the couch…" offered Chakotay. 

B'Elanna regarded them both with only a flicker of disappointment, as she realised they weren't willing to share the spare bedroom…yet. 

"Good. We'll work it out." 

Tom was just as thrilled to see them as B'Elanna. So was Miral in the end, although she took awhile to become used to the two strangers. 

Chakotay had to spend some time unloading all the presents and the baby paraphernalia they had brought with them from their land vehicle. Then they spent the rest of Christmas Eve enjoying each other's company, admiring Tom's outrageously ostentatious Christmas tree, partaking of some very delicious food and catching up on the news. The events of Kathryn's rescue from Vedris Sarmoris, had to be recounted in minute detail, as did Tom's latest designs in holodeck programming. 

The two exhausted families retired happily to their beds that night, but Chakotay did indeed sleep, somewhat uncomfortably, on the lounge floor. 

Christmas Day turned out to be filled with more of the same. Tom's parents joined them for much of the day, bringing Gretchen Janeway with them. It resulted in a wonderfully happy familial atmosphere. Owen Paris had long since regarded Kathryn as something akin to a daughter, and he was almost as relieved as Gretchen to have her home safe and sound and to catch up on her adventures. 

The food was eaten, the multitude of presents unwrapped, the stories were swapped and the games were played. By late evening the oldies had departed and the babies had been put to sleep. 

* * *

  


By the time Alex had been sound asleep for several hours, Tom and B'Elanna had disappeared too, leaving their former commanding officers some much needed time alone. 

Kathryn yawned. She was exhausted, and Chakotay knew he would have to help her up the stairs pretty soon. 

Kathryn was sitting on a large arm chair next to the Christmas tree, her crutches on the floor to the side, tucked underneath its lowest branches. She was getting stronger every day, but Chakotay knew there was some way to go before she fully regained her strength. 

He looked at her nervously. It was now or never. "Kathryn, I have something for you," he said pulling a small package from his pocket. 

"You didn't need to get me anything." 

"I didn't get you anything. Not anything new anyway. It's something you've seen before, but it didn't bring me a lot of luck last time. Look, I know I'm taking a huge gamble here. I'm putting myself up for a whole heap of rejection and ridicule, but, frankly, I deserve it…so feel free to tell me to crawl back into the gutter. 

I'd like to try this again," he said, offering her the tiny blue box. "Kathryn, I love you. I never stopped, and I'd do anything to turn back the clock and undo the things I've done to you. I don't deserve you, I really don't, but the optimist in me hopes you can look past what happened and remember how we were together. I swear to you, I will never treat you with anything other than the most loving tenderness and deepest respect from now until eternity. 

Kathryn, my heart's desire is that you marry me. I don't mind waiting, if you feel you need time to think about it, but, if you tell me the idea is totally abhorrent to you, I promise I'll never burden you with this again." 

Kathryn, lost for words, took the little blue box from him with shaky hands. It was achingly familiar, but had no paper or ribbons this time. She flipped it open. Inside the gold band gleamed brightly and a single diamond sat majestically on the top. She stared at it for ages, as the emotion pooled in her eyes. 

She looked up at him tearfully. "Is it the same ring?" 

"The very same." 

"You kept it all these years?" 

"Yes. Deep down, I never let go of the dream." 

She nodded her understanding, and handed it back to him with a sniff. His heart clenched and he dropped his head to hide the disappointment flooding his features. 

"Put it on my finger," she said softly. 

He stared stupidly at the ring as he took in the meaning of her words. Then his heart began to beat again, and his hopeful eyes lifted back to meet hers. "Was that a yes?" he asked excitedly. 

"I might be crazy, but I think it was," she said half-smiling, as the tears slid down her face. 

Instantly his face lit up, as he lifted the ring from the box, before carefully sliding it onto her finger. 

"Crazy or not, I love you, Kathryn Janeway," he confessed, taking her into his arms. 

"I love you too, my darling." 

He leaned down to seal the promise with a kiss. At last their lips met, softly, expressively, full of longing. 

As they broke away, her loving gaze met his. "Chakotay, I didn't get you anything…" she apologised. 

"You've given me enough already," he told her sincerely, following it with an even more passionate kiss. "I can think of something you could give me, though!" 

"Oh?" 

"Well…the lounge floor is rather hard." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't think Chakotay would treat her like this, and therefore this is the most out of character story I have written. However, I will justify it by saying that these narratives are all basically "what if" stories, so this is basically what if he did treat her like this. I tried to show Kathryn as maintaining her dignity throughout.


End file.
